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How I Informed My Toddler About My Miscarriage and How We Commemorated the Loss Together

You should consider telling your child about your pregnancy loss if you told them about your pregnancy, they knew you had babies in your tummy, or you are visibly unhappy.

Here are six tips for telling my kid about my miscarriage

1. Assure Your Young Child That It Is Not Their Fault

They must realize that Mommy and Daddy are upset because the baby/babies are no longer with them, not because of anything they did. They didn’t drive the babies away with their actions, good or bad.

2. Make It OK To Be Sad

You’ll be astonished at how much your toddler understands—I was. They are already catching up on your emotional roller coaster, from sadness to fury, as well as your physical remoteness if you and your spouse were in the hospital.

They need to know you’re there for them, and there’s nothing anyone could have done to keep the babies with you. “Mommy and Daddy are sobbing right now, but we won’t always feel this way; we’ll feel better tomorrow, but it’s necessary to feel these emotions when they arise.”

3. Commemorate Your Loss As A Family

We arranged a private memorial service on some rocks by the sea and saying our individual goodbyes was a therapeutic experience. You can include little children to give them closure as well. Planting a remembrance plant in your garden or releasing flowers into the water can be ways to commemorate loss together.

4. Recognize That Your Toddler Has Emotions But Is Unable To Verbalize Them

This is normal growth for your youngster to chuckle at times during this period. Because they don’t know how to deal with worry or uncomfortable feelings, their little nervous systems frequently react with anger and silliness. It is not due to a lack of concern. In reality, they may be attempting to cheer you up with joyous antics, especially if you have a highly sensitive or empathic child.

5. Take Care Of Yourself

How I Informed My Toddler About My Miscarriage and How We Commemorated the Loss Together

Speaking from personal experience, even with a farewell ceremony, healing might take a long time. When you least anticipate it, you may experience wrath, resentment, anguish, or even delight. For many of us, grieving isn’t a straight line. Your sadness may manifest as periods of happiness and periods of intense pain.

To be there for my son, I needed to support my own healing via little acts of self-care. Gardening, dieting, exercising, time with my supporting pals, asking for help, delegating things I don’t have energy for, seeking therapy, and turning off my phone when I want to play cars with my son were all examples of this.

6. Give It Some Time

Mourning the loss of a child, whether via miscarriage or infant loss, can be the most agonizing experience a person can go through. Be compassionate with yourself, your spouse, and your children since everyone grieves differently, and your child may grieve in ways that resemble “defiant” behavior at school.

Recognizing they have observed a trauma—whether their parents are present (in my situation, I was hospitalized for nine days) or witnessing your grief may be traumatic for them. I assumed my son hadn’t properly processed our goodbye until I received a text from his teacher the next day.

“Atlas told us the babies perished, and you said farewell, which made Mommy upset.” He was experiencing all of the emotions associated with it.” My son recently looked up at me, holding a yellow candle, and said, “Mommy, I prayed God would send the babies back so you wouldn’t be sad anymore.” “Look, they’re returning,” he remarked, smiling and pointing up at the stars.

My heart was broken. But I said, “You know what? We can see them in the stars, and we can feel them whenever we gaze up. They are never completely gone from us, so we can say hello or farewell whenever we wish till we meet again.”

You are not alone in this tremendously painful process, and there are tools to guarantee you never feel alone in your pregnancy loss or familial bereavement. This post is part of The Motherly Collective contributor network, which features tales, experiences, and advice from companies, journalists, and professionals who want to share their expertise with our community.

We believe that there is no such thing as a single parenting tale and that each mother’s experience is unique. We can support, enlighten, and inspire each other on this magnificent journey by magnifying each other’s experience and providing expert-driven information. If you’d like to contribute to The Motherly Collective, please click here.

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