Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen Divorce Watch: Alert Level Water Park

Tom Brady, a 45-year-old unretired quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, and Gisele Bündchen, a 42-year-old supermodel who has had enough of this football farce, are on the verge of divorce. They have been since last week when Page Six published an explosive exclusive stating that Bündchen fled to Costa Rica following an “epic argument” with Brady over Brady’s choice to return to the NFL in his old age.

Since that report, neither side has done anything to put an end to the rumors, which leads me to believe that they have both retained counsel. (Who will get Laura Wasser?)Bündchen has returned to Florida, but she is not staying at the family compound in Tampa, according to Page Six. “Gisele isn’t back with Tom,” according to a source.

“She flew back to Florida to be with her kids,” the source says, which is exactly what I would do if my foolish husband insisted on playing professional football in Tampa until his head explodes. Tom is still hoping for a reconciliation,” the person added. “Gisele has previously informed him she is leaving him, and they have always reconciled when she has calmed down.”

People, the go-to tabloid for an A-list divorce announcement, is cheerfully reporting on Bündchen and Brady’s whereabouts with no mention of marital strife, which is the most worrying sign of an impending split yet. This week, the site published two stories about Bündchen spending time with her children and Brady doing the same, as if they were ready to provide evidence in a custody hearing.

People report that Bündchen accompanied the two children she shares with Brady to a water park in Miami this week. Brady was not present, but “they all seemed joyful and having fun,” according to the newspaper. “Gisele looked stunning in a one-piece black bathing suit,” said a source. People are eagerly anticipating the divorce announcement.

Meanwhile, Brady traveled to New York to watch his kid, whom he shares with his ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan, play football. According to People, “Tom was in fantastic spirits and spoke with all the parents.” “He flew in from out of town for the scrimmage. He’s a wonderful father who is always there for Jack.”

Brady’s first game is this Sunday, and he spoke with the football podcast “Let’s Go!” about it.” to discuss getting ready for the season. Except for Bündchen, he mentioned everyone in his family. “You can’t halt your life because of athletics,” he explained. “Even though I’m in my 23rd year, I have a freshman in high school who also plays football.” I have a 12-year-old son who is going through life. I have a 9-year-old daughter who is going through life. And I have parents, and I have a lot of really significant off-field activities and aspirations that you’re also trying to maximize.”

Could those extracurricular activities include a forensic audit of all marital assets obtained in the last 13 years? Before the Super Bowl, I’d look to People for a serious and studied statement about the value of remaining best friends and co-parents.

Do you think Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen’s gluten-free lifestyle is as idyllic as it appears? According to Page Six, the recently retired NFL star and Brazilian model are engaged in an “epic battle.” A source told the gossip site that the married couple is sleeping in different bedrooms: Brady is at the family home in Tampa, while Bündchen has gone to Costa Rica.

There’s been difficulty in the marriage over his choice to unretire,” another source told Page Six. Gisele has always been the one in charge of the children. He had promised to retire to spend more time with his family, but then he changed his mind.” That appears to be something that would result in a fight. Marriage is all about getting the other person to do exactly what you want, and both sides appear to be failing in this regard.

So, are Brady and Bündchen divorcing? They’ve been married for 13 years, which is a strange figure to bet on. If I were you, I’d keep going for a beautiful round 15. According to a source, the pair has had big arguments like this before and made up.

Brady, on the other hand, seemed dissatisfied. This summer, he skipped 11 days of training camp, and his explanation to the press was fairly concerning. “It’s all personal…everyone is dealing with various issues,” he explained. “We all face quite unique obstacles in our lives.” Man, I’m 45 years old. “There’s a lot of nonsense going on.”

Bündchen, on the other hand, most recently wrote about Brady on his birthday on August 3. The caption was written with the distant air of a coworker: “Happy birthday to one of the most focused, diligent, and stylish individuals I know!” @tombrady, you are adored, and we are always rooting for you and wishing you all the best in life!

She also recently told British Vogue that marriage is a labor of love, which is never a good indication. Brady and the Buccaneers’ first regular-season game will be against the Dallas Cowboys on September 11 – more bad luck. Will Bündchen make the trip from Costa Rica to support him in the stands? We’ll be keeping an eye on things.

To review, Gisele Bündchen and Tom Brady were placed on Divorce Watch on September 1, following allegations that the two were engaged in an “epic argument” over Brady’s choice to return to the NFL. On September 7, the severity level was raised to “water park” after rumors surfaced that Bündchen had brought the kids to a water park without Brady. At the time, it was also reported that Bündchen had fled with the children to a home in Miami, away from their family home in Tampa.

Then there’s this. Gisele Bündchen did not play in Tom Brady’s opening game of the season. Yes, this is the season he abandoned his family for; the season that will undoubtedly exacerbate the chronic traumatic encephalopathy that we can only imagine is already “in the works.” People magazine’s football spies speculated last week that Bündchen might not attend, stating, in part, “It feels completely different this year than last year. She was delighted to be here, we saw her about.” And now we know, because the game is, at this point, in the past, that she did not go.

Where was she? It appears she was somewhere with access to Twitter, or at least someone who had access to her Twitter, and was given the go-ahead from a tiny team to tweet a carefully worded message of support while Bündchen’s attorneys worked out the details.