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To Annie: I’m a divorced father of two kids. My son has been depressed for nearly 13 years and lives in Denver with his alcoholic mother. He has lost multiple jobs as a result of his melancholy and drinking, eventually drinking two bottles of Jack Daniel’s in his mother’s garage and killing himself.
Now comes my daughter, a college graduate with a condo and a successful job and profession. Her female roommates have left since she allowed a married man to live in her condo. Not only that, but she is now pregnant with the child of this married man. I’m happy about my daughter’s pregnancy, but I strongly oppose allowing this man to live with her. Her mum approves and says it’s fine.
This incident has appalled me. Your thoughts are valued. — Daughter Is Uncontrollable. Dear Out of Hand: Your daughter’s life isn’t the only one that’s gone off the rails: so is your son’s. It is critical that he, as well as your ex-wife, seek treatment for their alcoholism. Your son has danced with death as a result of his drinking, and I’m sure living with his mother, who also has the same addiction, only encourages him to continue with this destructive activity. If they’re willing, their local AA group is an excellent location to begin what I hope will be a mutually beneficial road to recovery.
What’s most important for your daughter is ensuring her and the baby’s health during her pregnancy, which you appear to be doing already. She and this man must now devise a strategy for moving forward. It’s completely unjust to her, their child, and his wife at home for him to have one foot in and one foot out. He simply cannot continue living in your daughter’s condo unless he is prepared to totally commit to your daughter and their pregnant child.
To Annie: I’m writing in response to “Rocky Mountain,” whose son, “Kyle,” wants to be a parent but hasn’t found the appropriate person with whom to settle down and create a family. I believe you overlooked another option: adoption. Many children would love to have a fantastic father, and who knows what kinds of opportunities might exist for someone like Kyle?
I divorced when I was 38 years old and had no children. I did the arithmetic and realized that meeting someone, marrying, becoming pregnant, and having a child or two didn’t fit into my schedule, so I opted to adopt twin boys from Russia. I met “Sam” after I was approved for adoption and before I went to pick up the boys. We went on one date, I brought the boys home, and we married six months later, after being married for 23 years. There are several ways to start a family! – One Thankful Mother
Dear Appreciative Mother: What a lovely, wonderful story! You are correct that families come in numerous shapes and sizes. “Kyle” and others in his situation should think about adoption as a way to create the family they’ve always wanted – a blessing for both parent and child.
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